The term “soaking” might evoke images of a soothing bath or a gentle rain, but in the world of TikTok, particularly on MomTok since 2021, it refers to a sexual practice often linked to Mormons.
The cast discussed various aspects of their sexual lives, including the controversial ‘soft swinging’ and the mysterious fruity pebbles incident, as well as soaking. With season two on the horizon, these topics are likely to return to the forefront.
For those unfamiliar, soaking involves penetrative sex without any movement. Essentially, one person inserts their penis into their partner’s vagina and remains still, akin to a game of freeze tag. “There is no thrusting or movement,” explains Erica Smith, M. Ed, a Philadelphia-based sex educator.
The name soaking comes from the idea that the penis is being “soaked” by vaginal lubrication, says Gigi Engle, a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist. This lack of movement means it doesn’t qualify as “full-blown sex,” allowing participants to maintain their virginity and celibacy. “It’s a loophole,” Engle notes, especially for those in religious groups like The Church of The Latter-Day Saints, which prohibits premarital sex.
“It happens,” confirmed The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star on The Viall Files podcast. She explained that some LDS members might engage in soaking to find a loophole due to natural sexual desires, despite teachings to abstain until marriage.
While soaking garners viral attention, it’s not as common among young Latter-Day Saints as some might think. Nor does it align with Mormon values, according to sex researcher Chelom Leavitt, PhD, an assistant professor at Brigham Young University.
Is soaking truly practiced? What are its risks and benefits? And does it qualify as sex? Here’s what you need to know.
Understanding Soaking
Soaking is distinct from other forms of penetrative sex due to the complete absence of movement. “The logic is that soaking doesn’t count as sex because there isn’t any additional movement,” Engle explains. In some cases, a third person, known as a “jump-humper,” might create movement by jumping on the bed, though this aspect is debated.
Reasons to Consider Soaking
If you’re contemplating soaking to avoid “sinning,” it’s crucial to examine your motivations, says Smith. Understanding why you view soaking as different from other sexual activities can help address any shame or desire for connection. Seeking advice from a sex-positive Mormon or sexuality educator might also be beneficial.
Other pleasurable activities include manual sex, dry humping, oral sex, and sharing fantasies, according to O’Reilly.
The Cultural Impact of Soaking
Soaking became a cultural phenomenon in 2021, with viral TikTok videos and mentions on shows like Jury Duty and The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Despite media portrayal, soaking is likely not widespread among Latter-Day Saints, says O’Reilly. Leavitt adds that it’s more of a rumor than reality.
Lds teachings emphasize the importance of sex within marriage, and soaking doesn’t align with these values. Engle suggests that soaking could be one of many ways to experience pleasure, but it may not deliver the claimed benefits of avoiding sex.
Risks and Misconceptions
While soaking might seem like a loophole to experience pleasure without “losing virginity,” it carries STI transmission risks similar to other forms of intercourse, warns Engle. Using condoms is essential to prevent STI transmission and unwanted pregnancy.
Additionally, Soaking might lead to shame, especially if practiced for religious reasons, potentially causing anxiety and depression. For those feeling pressured to maintain virginity, soaking might offer a way to experience pleasure, but it’s not a straightforward solution.
Rethinking Virginity
The concept of virginity varies, with some viewing soaking as sex, says O’Reilly. Medically, virginity is meaningless, and the idea that something is lost during sex is a societal construct, Smith explains. Engaging with accurate sex education can help individuals explore their values regarding sex and desire.
Conclusion
While soaking might not be the loophole it seems, it could be an intimate addition to your sexual experiences if approached with the right mindset.
Meet the Experts: Erica Smith, M. Ed, is a Philadelphia-based sex educator. Gigi Engle is a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist. Chelom Leavitt, PhD, is an assistant professor at Brigham Young University. Jess O’Reilly, PhD, is a Toronto-based sexologist.